A Better Resolution
It’s that time of year when many of us decide we want to make some changes. We want to make next year better than this one. I'm a huge fan of self-improvement, but most New Year's resolutions are never realized, and it’s important to know why.
Making resolutions seems easy, and keeping them is where we struggle, but it's the reverse. If we'd do better with making the resolutions, following through would be easier.
Resolutions Are Not Outcomes
Making our resolutions about a specific outcome doesn't work. Things like "I resolve to lose 15 by my birthday" don't serve us. We end up in a pass-or-fail situation that leads us to make poor and unsustainable changes that we get frustrated by and give up. Or we may arrive at our deadline only not to have met our goal and end up feeling like a failure.
We need to make resolutions about the behaviors that most likely lead to a desired outcome rather than reach the result itself. Then, we can work on making slow and reasonable changes to the most relevant behaviors, leading to sustainable change and new lifestyle habits.
Start With Why
One way you can start making better New Year's Resolutions is to start with the why. Let's take my example from above of losing 15 lb. If that were something I desired, I'd start by asking myself why I want to lose 15 lb. Some of my possible responses could be:
- to fit into clothing
- to be more attractive to others
- to have more confidence
- to reduce some of my negative self-talk
- because my doctor said I need to
Whatever the reason, it's important to state it and know our motivations. Sometimes, it's helpful even to ask why multiple times. If I asked myself why I wanted to fit into some article of clothing, my answer might include being more attractive and having more confidence. If I asked why again, I might get down to the root of my desire to lose 15 pounds because I don't think very highly of myself, and losing 15 pounds would help me with that.
Look at All the Avenues
Now that I'm much clearer on my motivations and what I genuinely want to improve, I need to open my options to solutions beyond my first inclinations. To think more highly of myself, there are a lot of behaviors that can help but have nothing to do with weight loss. That doesn't mean I wouldn't pursue the weight loss, but I want to brainstorm all my options.
- working on my mindset and negative self-talk by reading books
- working through this stuff with a counselor
- doing activities that push me to do new things that I feel proud of doing
- putting together a wardrobe that compliments my body
- spending time with more people that make me feel good about myself
All of those things are behaviors that I could employ to help me with my goal of thinking more highly of myself. And if I still wanted to lose some weight as something I'm working on, that would technically fall under doing activities that push me to do new things that I feel proud of.
To lose weight, you'd need to change eating habits, but to feel successful; you'd need to do it in a way you couldn't fail. You'd have to make small, sustainable changes leading to that outcome.
Make a Plan
Once you've brainstormed all your options, you can start making a plan. You may see the value in doing multiple things, but doing all of them at once isn't sustainable. Figure out how you want to start and decide on the slightest change in that area you can make to make progress. This is the minimal effective dose.
Your plan will be based on the behaviors you need to change to see progress toward your outcome. It won't be how to reach the outcome or a timeframe for achieving it. We want to focus on behavior change because that leads to lasting results, and we want our metric to be progress.
Although you'll probably see a lot of information about setting goals and New Year's Resolutions in the coming weeks, I want you to resist distractions and follow these steps. These are the steps I follow, and I'm never disappointed. You've got this, and if you have any questions, I'm here to help.
